While chatting withPEOPLEfor this week’s issue, starHeather Grahamreflected on dating someone outside of Hollywood and why she never married or chose to have children. While Graham has previously dated stars like Josh Lucas and Heath Ledger as well as musician Adam Ant and director Yaniv Raz, theOn a Wing and a Prayerstar has been romantically involved with snowboarder John de Neufville since last year, something that she considers a refreshing change from her past relationships.
Graham said, “Of course, you want someone to understand your crazy schedule, which is different than a normal job, but I like dating someone who’s not in the business. It puts it in perspective. Sometimes your job becomes so important to you, and then you realize there’s so many other things in life that are happening. It’s not all about the movie business.”
Though Graham noted that her current beau is “more of a sports guy,” she stated that he’s been checking out her movies, “even the ones that I’m embarrassed of!” Still, the star added that de Neufville “always tells me I was great and that he is really impressed. It’s sweet.”
Graham also reflected on her decision not to get married or have children. She stated, “I don’t feel that I’m missing anything. If you’re meant to have kids, you have kids. And if you’re not meant to have kids, then the universe gives you someone or something to nurture. I do sometimes feel like my projects are little kids; I have started to get more involved in producing and writing and directing.”
TheKilling Me Softlystar went on to say, “I do feel like as a woman, culturally, you’re not allowed to say, ‘I didn’t want to have kids.’ Because it’s like, what’s wrong with you? I think as a man it’s like, oh cool, you didn’t want to have kids. Now, women are getting more free to make their own choices.”
Graham added, “At the moment, not having kids, I do feel free. That is pretty great. And I get a lot of sleep.”
The actor also stated that she tries to focus on being “a loving parent to myself” by doing daily affirmations, meditation, and yoga.
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Heather Graham Said “As I’ve Grown Up, I Realized I Really Need To Take Care of Myself First”
She said, “The more that I try being kind to myself, I feel like I can take it into all my other relationships and be more loving in those relationships. As I’ve grown up, I realized I really need to take care of myself first, and then I actually have more to give other people.”
Graham added that if she could, she’d tell her younger self to “have fun and love yourself.”
The star said, “Almost like career is secondary. I was super ambitious as a younger person, but my most important goal is to enjoy my life. It’s so much more fulfilling than trying so hard to be somewhere in your career. Of course, I still am ambitious, but whenever I can really relax and get into a place of gratitude, then I feel like I really can enjoy all the good things in my life, which I have a lot.”
She added, “I feel like you’re able to be more productive if you have some really good downtime — one day of just absolute being a zombie, laying around. And then when I go back to work on Monday, I feel like I have energy and I’m excited about it. If you’re relaxed, sometimes you’re doing better work.”
Graham finished by saying, “I’m grateful that I’m in some things that people remember and that I still get to keep working.So many people want to be actors and don’t ever get to work. I got to support myself doing this, so I am grateful.”
